From: "Jeff Stark" <jstark@nonsensenyc.com>
Subject: nonsensenyc: 9.3 to 9.9
Date: September 3rd 2010

Friday, September 3
* Noisy Rock Psych Funk Party, Brooklyn * Spastik House Party, Brooklyn
* NY Clown Theater Festival Opening Day Parade and Public Pie Fight, Manhattan * Burlesque at the Beach: The 2010 Coney Island Cockabilly Roadshow, Brooklyn

Saturday, September 4
* Monster Island Block Party, Williamsburg * Stranded III: The Forbidden City, Brooklyn * Performancy Forum, Brooklyn
* The Lost World With Live Piano Accompaniment by Liz Magnes, Brooklyn * Creepy White Van Party, Brooklyn
* Oh! You Pretty Things: Children of the Revolution, Manhattan * Hey, I'm Walkin' Here! Queens
* Floating Kabarette, Brooklyn

Sunday, September 5
* You Decorated My Life Ruckus, Brooklyn

Monday, September 6
* Raya Brass Band on Coney Island Boardwalk, Brooklyn * A Fistful of Flowers, Brooklyn

Tuesday, September 7
* Bittersweet: Flavor Tripping Book Party for Monique Truong's Bitter in the Mouth, Manhattan

Thursday, September 9
* Panic Dance Party, Manhattan

Wishlist
* Pocket clutter

All That We've Met
* Xango Shola

Spectre
* Privatizing Helium

Learning
* Fall Bird Migrations

Help
* Chinese Theatre Works

NOTE: For some navigation help, or an explanation for what this is all about, scroll all the way down to NONSENSE. You'll find snarky editorial comments and little bits of praise littered throughout this list. These nuggets are marked with all caps, like this: NOTE. Also, we make a lot of mistakes, especially with dates; you should always double check our work. And you can donate to this project at nonsensenyc.com/special.

XXXXX COVER ART XXXXX

Popeye in the parking lot.

XXXXX FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 XXXXX

Noisy Rock Psych Funk Party

Featuring Algae and Tentacles and Workshop Model doing a combo set and headliners Starring. Plus Datus and the Roulettes.

Surreal Estate
15 Thames Street, Brooklyn
8p; $7
surrehearsalspace.wordpress.com

***** Also on FRIDAY *****

Spastik House Party

Brooklyn Rooftop Parties is bringing the vibes indoors this time with a late night party at House of Yes. A disastrous lineup of performers and DJs will be featured, including: Le/Sphinxx, Nyle vs Naysayers, Cobra Krames (Gold Whistle), Anton Glamb (Radical Outing), Jan Woo (Market Hotel/Vibes), and DJ Ursa. Visuals by Jason Tschantre (Bushwick Trailer Park)

House of Yes
342 Maujer Street, Brooklyn
L train to Grand station
11p-7a; $7-10

***** Also on FRIDAY *****

NY Clown Theater Festival Opening Day Parade and Public Pie Fight

Never worn a red nose before? Have a friend you want to pie in the face? Now's your chance. We'll be handing out red noses and inviting everyone to join us as we celebrate the opening of the New York Clown Theatre Festival. Join the parade or follow as an observer as the brass band, the stiltwalkers, jugglers, clowns and the fools of all stripes (and plaids) make their way from Union Square to the Brick Theatre in Williamsburg. Come in your wacky costume, or straight from work.

The NY Clown Theater Festival is New York's preeminent annual, international Clown Theater festival since its inception in 2006.The Brick Theater, Inc., presenter of the first festival of clown theater in New York in over 20 years in 2006, brings the festival back this fall as the 2010 New York Clown Theatre Festival, performing September 3-26 at The Brick Theater in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. This year's festival will feature diverse clown theatre artists from Wales, Mexico, Canada, and across the United States from California, Connecticut, Georgia, Maine, Maryland, Oregon, Chicago and New York City. The festival will present 14 mainstage shows, two family shows, one street show, and five cabarets. For more information.

The pandemonium will emerge at the Bedford stop in Williamsburg and march to the Brick Theater for a massive pie public fight. Join in the mayhem or sit back and watch the clowns and public take a pie to the face. Stick around for the free cabaret and festival preview .

Meet at Union Square and take the L train to Williamsburg, Brooklyn 5p; $free
bricktheater.com

***** Also on FRIDAY *****

Burlesque at the Beach: The 2010 Coney Island Cockabilly Roadshow

After six long weeks and over 40 cities, the Cockabilly Roadshow returns to Coney Island. Starring Jelly Boy the Clown and the Squidling Bros. Circus Sideshow. With Betty Bloomerz, Matters Squidling, the Illustrated Penguin Boy and the sensuous burlesque stylings of Miss Hayley Jane. Special musical appearance by Viva Le Vox.

Coney Island USA
1208 Surf Avenue, Brooklyn
10p; $15

XXXXX SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 XXXXX

Monster Island Block Party

Hosted by your friends at Monster Island: Secret Project Robot, Live With Animals, Ocropolis, Kayrock Screenprinting, and Todd P. With Oneida, Golden Triangle, K Holes, dudknowdub, Fr Murphy, Divine Order of the Blood Witch, Midnight O'connor Reunion Tour, TryCryTry, Knyfe Hyts, and many more.

Secret Project Robot Art Space
210 Kent Avenue, Williamsburg, Brooklyn 2p-midnight; $free
secretprojectrobot.org/

***** Also on SATURDAY *****

Winkel and Balktick present:

Stranded III: The Forbidden City

An imperial warehouse adventure.

Dance all night to the Emperor's favorite funk, house, techno, breaks, and dubstep selectors (in order of appearance). With Dirtyfinger, Mister Saturday Night, Arrow Chrome, Dhundee, DJ Courage, and special ceremonial live music opening by the Xylopholks.

The Imperial Palace is a century-old 47,000 square foot (yes, really) former shipping and train repair facility in Sunset Park. It features double-height ceilings, wall-to-wall windows facing the water, and an entrance fit for the emperor himself.

Dress in your finest dynastic attire. Reds and yellows, robes, gowns, Peoples' Republic fatigues, dragons, pandas, tigers, golden lion tamarins and other garments of the Orient.

RSVP for address, Brooklyn
D,M,N,R trains to 36th Avenue station
10p-sunrise; $15 advance, $20 door
21 and over
RSVP to forbiddenwandbnyc.com
wandbnyc.com/stranded/

***** Also on SATURDAY *****

Performancy Forum

Gratuitous Art Films presents the long awaited the second incarnation of Epic Emergency. A working cut of epic epicness that will leave your knees knocking, your lips drooling and your eyes aflame.

Also at Performancy Forum: Brian Rady, Hyatt Michaels, Mariana Valencia, Meghann Snow, and Hyrax. Join us as we explore intersections in contemporary performance practices, facilitate informal peer feedback on works in progress, and work to create a community of conscious, post-product-based working artists.

This Performancy Forum, the fifth curated by the Panoply Performance Laboratory’s Esther Neff and Brian McCorkle at Surreal Estate, includes hybrid performance art and video works.

Surreal Estate
15 Thames Street, Brooklyn
8p; $5 suggested donation, BYOB or $2 cheap beer (proceeds to the arts and activism collective and performance space Surreal Estate) youtube.com/watch?v=65a3K197ZF0
gratuitousartproductions.com/press-event/upcoming-events/ panoplylab.org/performancy.php

***** Also on SATURDAY *****

Coney Island Film Society presents:

The Lost World With Live Piano Accompaniment by Liz Magnes

Directed by Harry O. Hoyt, 1925. The first film adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's classic novel about a land where prehistoric creatures still roam. Starring: Wallace Beery, Bessie Love, Lewis Stone, Lloyd Hughes. Black and white; silent. 68 minutes.

Coney Island USA
1208 Surf Avenue, Brooklyn
8:30p; $5, free popcorn

***** Also on SATURDAY ****

Creepy White Van Party

The game plan hasn't changed. Just dance. No pretense. No bullshit. Let go. Flirt. Drink. Be Merry. Proceeds going to get the lovely nonprofit artists organization steering the wheels here at the House Of Yes a much needed cargo van. Some come get crazy with us this weekend. And you know it will be crazy. Featuring TreZure the Empress, DJ M.C K~Swift, and Ezrakh.

The House of Yes
342 Maujer Street, corner of Morgan Avenue, Brooklyn L train to Grand Street station
10p doors; $7 includes open bar 10p-midnight (or as long as supplies last you thirsty thirsty people)

***** Also on SATURDAY *****

Oh! You Pretty Things: Children of the Revolution

Michael T, Ben Ickies, Shien Lee, and Twig the Wonderkid Present an all-star glam rock tribute to the legendary Marc Bolan and T-Rex, featuring Michael T and the Vanities and This Ambitious Orchestra performing T. Rex's classic Electric Warrior LP live from start to finish with special guests. The event also features live DJs Kelle Calco, Nathanial John, electric hosts and vodka open bar from 11-12.

Don Hill's
511 Greenwich Street, Manhattan
10p; $15, $5 off with special NonsenseNYC discount code METALGURU 21 and over
brownpapertickets.com/event/124554
going.com/ohyouprettythings

***** Also on SATURDAY *****

Hey, I'm Walkin' Here!

Hey, I'm Walkin' Here! is a group of folks who just like to walk as they make a series of treks around the five boroughs. Today: Longest Streets Walk, Part 3. We'll be starting in Long Island City and walking the length of Northern Boulevard, the longest street in Queens. LIRR (Little Neck station) will be a block from the end, or figure out the buses or walk back to Flushing. Twelve miles.

Meet at Queens Plaza in front of the Clocktower building 29th Street and Bridge Plaza North, Queens E,F,R trains to Queens Plaza station or 7,N,Q trains to Queensboro Plaza station noon; $free
MosesGatesgmail.com
burnsomedust.com

***** Also on SATURDAY *****

Floating Kabarette

Featuring: Sabrina Chap (music), Harvest Moon (aerial), Miss Saturn (variety), Kenichi (performance art). Hosted by Olga and Bjorn. Free haircuts by Brooklyn stylist Soonji.

Galapagos Art Space
16 Main Street, Brooklyn
10p door, 10:30p show; $10
theatrereverb.org

XXXXX SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 5 XXXXX

You Decorated My Life Ruckus

All day bullshit market and film screenings. Bushwick Project for the Arts is opening the garage all day every Sunday. Each week there will be an art/flea market starting at noon and a double feature film screening starting at 5p. Come browse for original art, clothes made by local designers, thrift clothes, books, mixed tapes, music, and tchotchkes. This week: paintings by Teo in the gallery, on the walls, and on the floor; with video installations, the TV wall, and music by DJ Terekke Smith. The double feature for the week is E.T. at 5p and the Brother from Another Planet at 8p.

Bushwick Project for the Arts
304 Meserole Street, first floor, Brooklyn Noon market, 5p ET, 8p Brother; $free

XXXXX MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 6 XXXXX

Raya Brass Band on Coney Island Boardwalk

An impromptu, off the cuff, free form circus, vaudeville show, and musical performance on the Coney Island Boardwalk.

Calling all circus performers, contortionists, belly dancers, fat ladies and men, skinny little things, fire eaters, chariot racers, jugglers, clowns, magicians, pin-up girls and boys, mad hatters, red queens of both sexes, acrobats, hoopers, carneys, unicycle riders, stilters, lion-tamers, tight rope walkers, trapeze artists, popcorn sellers, showmen and women, mustachioed gents and ladies of the audience, dancing bears, elephants and monkeys.

Raya Brass Band awaits you, ready to play, at the drop of your hand, the dreamy, frenzied and lilting and tilting music of Eastern Europe, Northern Greece and the Southern Balkan peninsula on the Coney Island Boardwalk for an impromptu show that will give all who show up and opportunity to strut their stuff for the good people of Brooklyn and visitors from around the world. All are welcome, performers and spectators alike.

Coney Island Boardwalk across from the Wonder Wheel 3:30p check in, 4p show; $free
917 497 7852
rayabrassbandgmail.com
bit.ly/dhAO7d

***** Also on MONDAY *****

Baltimore Annex Theater presents:

A Fistful of Flowers

Baltimore Annex Theater's new play A Fistful of Flowers takes the western genre and bends, reshapes and queers the old format into a genre all its own. This play follows two contemporary cowboys, who are ex lovers, as they chase each other around the desert trying to kill each other. The play is populated by the traditional western characters and non-traditional absurdist characters while the future mixes with the past. TNT is detonated via an iPhone app. A man takes violent revenge for a bad Darth Vader tattoo. Desert cacti are animate characters. The landscape comes alive with invented and real imagery that is as psychedelic as it is everyday. Intermittently, gender roles are reversed to lend broader depth to the main characters' search for what it means to be a man ... a real man (a woman).

Silent Barn
915 Wyckoff Avenue, Brooklyn
8p; $5-10
thereweretentigers.blogspot.com/2010/08/annex-theater-presents-fistful-of.html

XXXXX TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 7 XXXXX

Bittersweet: Flavor Tripping Book Party for Monique Truong's Bitter in the Mouth

A story of family secrets and discovery, of confession and revelation, Monique Truong's second novel Bitter in the Mouth follows Linda Hammerick, who has a secret sense -- she can "taste" words. She falls for names and what they evoke: canned peaches, dill, orange sherbet, and parsnip (to her great regret). In this celebration, actress Cindy Cheung will appear as Linda Hammerick in a reading followed by a miracle berry taste-a-thon. What will you taste after eating the fruit that makes everything sweet?

Asian American Writers' Workshop
110-112 West 27th Street, Suite 600, Manhattan 7p; $free and open to the public
aaww.org/aaww_events.html#september7

XXXXX THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 9 XXXXX

Presented by the Passion Faction:

Panic Dance Party

Dance with Dirty Finger, Spanky, Gamore, Dan2600. With hosts Sam Gluck, Kimberly Nies, Brenndon Knox, J Wyse, Ali and Lacie, Hannah Palanza, Glitter Kids, and Sarah Montreal.

120 Orchard Street, Manhattan
10p-4a; $3 before midnight, $5 after
firetotheprisons.com

XXXXX UPCOMING XXXXX

• Rubulad Presents: Pre-Hysteria, September 11
• The 2nd Annual Manhattan Wonderwalk, September 11
• Williamsburg Fashion Weekend, September 17-18

XXXXX ONGOING XXXXX

Nonsense is too long. The great thing about the internet is that it doesn't really cost much to run long listings and exhaustive descriptions. It turns out that's ... exhausting. After several complaints and a little deliberation, we're trying a new format: On the first Friday of the month we will run updated ongoing listings in each section: events, learning, and help. Other weeks we're going for leaner, meaner sections. If you're desperate for something to do on an off-Tuesday night we suggest you either look back a few issues ago in your inbox, or poke through our online archives, which you can find under the subscribe page.

Also, a note about better rock shows. Nonsense does not straight list rock shows in New York unless they occur in tandem with puppet shows or jump rope tournaments or in subway tunnels or in graveyards. For listings of good shows, especially shows that feature independent bands at quality venues like Death by Audio and those booked by hard-working promoters like Todd P or Sleep When Dead, consult resources like ohmyrockness.com, brooklynvegan.com/, sleepwhendeadnyc.com/calendar/, garagepunknyc.com, and eardrumnyc.com. For the most exhaustive list of underground shows at unusual venues, track down a copy of the extremely useful -- and handsome -- Showpaper.

XXXXX WISHLIST XXXXX

What have you been wishing for? Collaborators, grant monies, a new home? Please send brief listings to Alita at alitanonsensenyc.com. We only list available apartments, lofts, studios, and one-off rentals -- not spaces wanted.

***** ARTY STUFF *****

• I'm having a small birthday party September 6, and I'm looking for a puppet show. Contact Nate, goodapplepiegmail.com.
• Maker Faire is coming to town. The world's largest DIY event is also the world's largest DIY production. We still need volunteers and assistance with housing for Makers coming from out of town. The faire will be taking place at the New York Hall of Science in Flushing Meadows-Corona Park (Queens) on September 25 and 26 -- visit makerfaire.com/ for details. We need volunteers leading up to the weekend and throughout the event. If you are interested in this, please visit: makerfaire.com/newyork/2010/volunteer/. We need housing assistance for around two dozen Makers, coming from out of town. If you are able to house any number of Makers, for any dates between September 15-29, please email nick(at)geekathon.net -- we cannot offer money but we can offer tickets to the event, and other incentives based on the number of Makers you house and the duration of their stay. Please help us house our wonderful Makers. Discount: For Nonsense readers who read this far, thank you -- if all y ou want is to attend the event, we have a special 25 percent off discount code especially for you. Visit makerfairetickets.com/, choose the tickets you want, add the processing fee ($1), and in the Coupon Code box enter NYNONSENSE -- this will deduct 25 percent off the final price. This code will expire at 11:59p on September 15, so purchase your tickets now.
• Is pocket clutter weighing you down? Empty your pockets and send us the contents. We'll give your expired chewing gum and intimidating lint balls a new home in the Brooklyn Art Library. Contributions to the Pockets Project will form a communal burial ground for the detritus of everyday life -- and mark a new era of freedom for your bags, purses and pants. Objects mailed from all over the world will be organized by category and collected in giant glass jars, which will be exhibited as an evolving installation. Over the next few months, we anticipate thousands of contributions from all over the world. Previous Art House projects have involved more than 30,000 artists from 89 countries. We'd love to keep you updated as the Pockets Project grows –- please check out our new blog for the latest information. And stay tuned for our first Pockets Project exhibition, coming this fall. Contact Eli Dvorkin, Project Manager, Art House Co-op, eli(at)arthousecoop.com.
• On Sunday September 19, the (Makers) Market launches its second Autumn season, and presents Minds over Matter (Me) Metals, the first of a series of 10 curated, materials-based shows that will exhibit products made of a different material, one each week, over 10 weeks. Materials to follow are: botanicals, ceramics, paper, leather, glass, fiber, wood, synthetics, and sugar. We encourage you to apply to participate in one of these market shows where sculptural items are equally welcome alongside utilitarian ones. For show details, and information specifically for Makers, please see: thecanfactorymarket.org.

***** SPACES *****

• I'm looking for a roommate for October 1. Please share this with your awesome friends who are looking for a place to live. I'm in a two-bedroom, two-bath in Ditmas Park, Brooklyn (1169 Ocean Avenue, 11230). The roommate would get two rooms (one is 10 by six, the other 10 by seven, both with two windows), plus his/her own bathroom, and would share the kitchen (gas range, dishwasher), large foyer, and big living/dining room. All the kitchen stuff and living room furniture is staying, so no need to bring any of that. It's sunny and breezy here, with southern and western exposures for cross-ventilation. We have a part-time doorman and laundry in the basement, and even a parking garage for an extra fee if you need one. The B/Q at Newkirk is the closest subway (seven minute walk); the Flatbush Ave/Brooklyn College 2/5 station is also nearby (eleven minute walk). It's residential and scenic, with all the Cortelyou Road stuff a pleasant walk nearby. I'm a 37-year-old graphic design er. I bike on the weekends (and hopefully more often as the weather gets moderate), enjoy cooking, baking, I have a three-year-old cat named Zephyr who is a lot of fun and sweet. I'm allergic to dust, so I try to keep a pretty clean household. I'm conscientious, honest, direct, drama-free, curious, self-aware, with a good sense of humor and a generally positive nature. I try to live with a low carbon footprint and would prefer to live with someone who is concerned about such things as well. I'm more of a dinner party person than a kegger person, so I'd rather live with someone who's an adult (without being dull). The share would be $825 plus half internet and half electricity, assuming rent-stabilized rent stays the same. Contact balycooley(at)gmail.com.
• Large sunny fully furnished two-bedroom available for sublet starting October 1. Rent is $1775 per month. Lovely pre-war apartment is going to be vacant for at least three months, potentially longer. The location is great. One block from the Brooklyn Library, a couple blocks from Prospect Park, one block off Vanderbilt Avenue, close to B/Q/2/3 subway lines. The place is big, the layout is great for two people, with very separate rooms. I am also open to renting each room individually. Pets OK. Contact Mark, akawildman(at)gmail.com.

XXXXX ALL THAT WE'VE MET XXXXX

All That We've Met is Pauline Pechin's series of interviews with artists, underground influencers, and people with interesting stories. You can email her here: pauline.pechingmail.com

This week: Clothing designer Xango Shola

What's your ultimate goal as an artist?

"I'd love to make a sustainable situation for myself, but always be in service to people creating abundance for other -- like providing supplies. My best friend is from Uruguay ... and she's going to buy land there right by Punta del Este. In the next year, we want to build a temple where people can create; it's a secret space. I just want to coexist with her, and stop contributing to the problem on all levels. I'm not a consumer. I don't purchase [any of] the materials that I make my clothing out of. Zero dollar production; it's great."

Read the complete interview at
allthatwevemet.com/2010/09/xango-shola-believes-clothing-is-more.html

XXXXX SPECTRE PRIORITY XXXXX

Before we had a name, the Spectre Event Horizon Group used to meet at a bar to commiserate and trade what our business friends like to call best practices. The group has expanded since then, but it remains focused on smartening the crowd mind. There are no subject limits; our favorite is the incredible sci-fi present, or anything that goes toward a better understanding of human behavior and our universe's ecology. Our simple intent is to connect good minds with as much quality mind-blowing information as we can freely locate and create a space for the informal trade of specialized investigative research, presented for the non-specialist.

The Spectre email list, which is a separate group from this column, is a moderated open forum. People are encouraged to join and to post. The list is compiled for Nonsense by J. Sinopoli. Contact us at spectre.event.horizon.group gmail com or spectregroup.org. Here's some of what came in this week:

***** Privatizing Helium *****

http://spectregroup.wordpress.com/2007/11/22/privatizing-helium/

World Helium Shortage
popsci.com/science/article/2010-04/helium-3-shortage-hits-scientific-research-and-nuclear-security independent.co.uk/news/science/take-a-deep-breath-why-the-world-is-running-out-of-helium-2059357.html "Scientists have warned that the world's most commonly used inert gas is being depleted at an astonishing rate because of a law passed in the United States in 1996 which has effectively made helium too cheap to recycle. The law stipulates that the US National Helium Reserve, which is kept in a disused underground gas field near Amarillo, Texas -- by far the biggest store of helium in the world -- must all be sold off by 2015, irrespective of the market price. The experts warn that the world could run out of helium within 25 to 30 years, potentially spelling disaster for hospitals, whose MRI scanners are cooled by the gas in liquid form, and anti-terrorist authorities who rely on helium for their radiation monitors. Helium is made either by the nuclear fusion process of the Sun, or by the slow and steady radioactive decay of terrestrial rock, which accounts for all of the Earth's store of the gas. There is no way of manufacturing it artificially, and practically all of the wor ld's reserves have been derived as a by-product from the extraction of natural gas, mostly in the giant oil- and gasfields of the American Southwest, which historically have had the highest helium concentrations. Liquid helium is critical for cooling infrared detectors, nuclear reactors, and the machinery of wind tunnels. The space industry uses it in sensitive satellite equipment and spacecraft, and NASA uses helium in huge quantities to purge the potentially explosive fuel from its rockets. In the form of its isotope helium-3, helium is also crucial for research into the next generation of clean, waste-free nuclear reactors powered by nuclear fusion, the nuclear reaction that powers the Sun."

Helium-3
thespacereview.com/article/536/1
wired.com/wired/archive/8.08/helium.html "Industrial buyers use the gas primarily for arc welding (helium creates an inert atmosphere around the flame) and leak detection (hydrogen has a smaller atom, but it usually forms a diatomic molecule, H2). NASA uses it to pressurize space shuttle fuel tanks: The Kennedy Space Center alone uses more than 75 million cubic feet annually. Liquid helium, which has the lowest melting point of any element (-452 degrees Fahrenheit), cools infrared detectors, nuclear reactors, wind tunnels, and the superconductive magnets in MRI equipment. For helium-3's true believers -- the ones who think the isotope's fusion power will take us to the edge of our solar system and beyond -- talk of the coming shortage is overblown: There's a huge, untapped supply right in our own backyard. "The moon is the El Dorado of helium-3," says Savage, and he's right: Every star, including our sun, emits helium constantly. Implanted in the lunar soil by the solar wind, the all-important gas can be found on th e moon by the bucketful."

Low Expectations
technologyreview.com/energy/19296/page2/ "Still, Kulcinski's reactor proves only the theoretical feasibility and advantages of He3-He3 fusion, with commercial viability lying decades in the future. "Currently," he says, "the Department of Energy will tell us, 'We'll make fusion work. But you're never going to go back to the moon, and that's the only way you'll get massive amounts of helium-3. So forget it.' Meanwhile, the NASA folks tell us, 'We can get the helium-3. But you'll never get fusion to work.' So DOE doesn't think NASA can do its job, NASA doesn't think that DOE can do its job, and we're in between trying to get the two to work together." Right now, Kulcinski's funding comes from two wealthy individuals who are, he says, only interested in the research and without expectation of financial profit."

The National Helium Reserve
nytimes.com/1997/10/08/us/closing-of-helium-reserve-raises-new-issues.html "Of all the Federal programs that have ever come under attack, perhaps none has been more ridiculed or more reviled than the national helium reserve, here on the high plains of the Texas Panhandle. It is a collection of pipelines and pumps and vats and, most of all, a seemingly staggering amount of helium: 31 billion cubic feet, enough to supply current Federal needs for 100 years. "Amazingly stupid, even by Government standards," P. J. O'Rourke, the conservative humorist, said of the program, which forces Federal agencies to buy helium at inflated prices from the reserve. "The poster child of Government waste," said Christopher Cox, the California Congressman who led the fight to get rid of this veritable Fort Knox of helium. But now that President Clinton has signed a bill that will get the Government out of the helium business and sell off the nation's helium reserve to private industry, which has long claimed that it can supply helium more cheaply to agencies like NASA, t he issue is turning out to be more complicated. In a vivid demonstration that cutting the Federal budget is rarely as easy or as simple as it seems, some experts are even daring to say it: maybe the helium reserve wasn't such a dumb idea after all."

XXXXX LEARNING XXXXX

We look for the sort of classes you circled in college course catalogs but never managed to fit into your schedule. And we also look for the kind of things that no college could teach. Cheap and eclectic is the rule, though all rules get broken occasionally, and we especially love workshops, round-tables, and teachers who won’t take your work out of your hands and show you how to do it right. One-time listings are categorized weekly, with general recurring classes listed at the end on the first Friday of each month We thrive on your suggestions, so make sure to tell us about upcoming classes that you think are nifty-keen.

Learning is compiled and edited weekly by Libby Sentz. Send listing suggestions to libby(at)nonsensenyc.com.

***** LEARNING: SATURDAY *****

Free Indigo Dyeing

Culture Push and JEM Fabric Warehouse invite you to a unique Fashion Re/Action natural dyeing workshop and performance by artist Travis Boyer. Transform an unloved piece of clothing into something beautiful again as we use one of the oldest dyeing techniques in the world and learn more about indigo and other natural dyeing methods. Feel free to bring your own clothes to dye (as long as the are not a synthetic material, cotton's best) or use our own amazing selection of free materials. (Free Fashion Re/Action workshops highlighting different topics will be held each Saturday till September 25.)

JEM Fabric Warehouse
355 Broadway, Manhattan
1-5p; $free
houseofjem.blogspot.com

***** LEARNING: Also on SATURDAY *****

Free Fall Gardening

Learn the basics of fall gardening. Find out about seeds that you can sow and eat now, and seeds that you can sow and eat next spring.

Rose Red and Lavender
653 Metropolitan Avenue, Williamsburg, Brooklyn 10-11a; $free
lavender(at)roseredandlavender.com
Pre-register: 718 486 3569

***** LEARNING: Also on SATURDAY *****

Fall Bird Migrations

Learn to identify birds living in the area or passing through on their southward migration, and see how they fulfill their roles in nature. Future classes meet at the locations specified below; you will receive maps and directions at the first class. (September 4: Brooklyn Botanical Garden and Prospect Park; September 11: Central Park; September 25: Staten Island; October 9: Fort Tilden, Jacob Riis Park; October 23: Jones Beach; November 6: Jamaica Bay.) Carpooling is available; when registering, please indicate if you will need a ride. Led by Joe Giunta.

Various Locations
6 Saturdays, 8a-1p
$100 member; $120 nonmember
bbg.org/learn/classes/

***** LEARNING: SUNDAY *****

Free, Theories of Value

In this class offered by the Public School we will discuss the concept of value with anthropologist David Graeber, considering political, cultural, and social theories alongside classical economist paradigms. To prepare, we will read two works by Graeber: Toward an Anthropological Theory of Value: The False Coin of Our Own Dreams (2001) and The Sadness of Post-Workerism (2008).

Gallatin
177 Livingston Street; Brooklyn
4p; $free
RSVP: nyc.thepublicschool.org/class/2703

***** LEARNING: TUESDAY *****

Lock Picking

I in no way condone breaking into other people's property, this class is strictly educational. We'll make shims and practice using them on padlocks and we'll make lock picks and practice using them on door locks. All shims and lock picks will be disposed after the class (possession of them is illegal in New York).

Location TBA
7:30-9p; $30
tinyurl.com/Lockclass

***** LEARNING: WEDNESDAY *****

Beer Brewing at Home

How to turn your small, New York kitchen into your very own micro-brewery without making it look, feel, or smell like one. Learn each step of the brewing process, taste the raw ingredients, and learn how to make your own delicious, higher-alcohol beer with stuff that you might already have hanging around. Brought to you by Fire Island Beer Company; led by Erica Shea and Stephen Valand, the proprietors of the Brooklyn Brew Shop. (Mention Nonsense NYC when registering, deadline September 3, for a 10 percent discount.)

Third Ward
195 Morgan Avenue, Brooklyn
7-10p; $25 members, $35 nonmembers
Enroll: 718 715 4961
3rdward.com/calendar

***** LEARNING: Also on WEDNESDAY *****

Burlesque in Motion

A six-week workshop taught by the notorious Honi Harlow that will cover the burlesque basic tricks of the trade, as well as advanced stage craft. This program will focus on the movement in burlesque from walks, struts and strolls, to shimmy, bumping and grinding -- a tassel-twirling good time!

Dance New Amsterdam
280 Broadway, second floor (entrance at 53 Chambers Street), Manhattan Six Wednesdays, 8-9:30p; $130 member; $165 nonmembers 212 625 8369
dnadance.org/site/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/hh_burlesque_2010.pdf

***** LEARNING: Also on WEDNESDAY *****

A Homemade Korean Feast

Join Chef Ori in this hands-on class as we embark upon an exploration of the delicious and healthful cuisine of Korea. Using the Asian principle of five flavors; salty, sweet, sour, bitter, and hot, we will turn familiar ingredients into classic Korean dishes like Japchae, clear noodles and vegetables with toasted sesame flavor, and Bulgogi, a garlicky marinated beef that is perfect for stir-fry or grill. Simple scallion pancakes and a beautiful seafood and tofu stew will also be prepared as we discuss health benefits, perfect knife skills, and learn to expertly handle the meat, shellfish, and veggies being used. As in a typical Korean meal you will also prepare several side dishes called banchan, including steamed eggplant, kimchi-stuffed cucumber, marinated spinach, and spicy seaweed salad. Finally, we’ll gather around the table to enjoy our culinary creations while a resident wine expert leads us through a flight of perfect pairings.

Astor Center
399 Lafayette Street, Manhattan
6-9:30p; $125
212 674 7501

***** LEARNING: UPCOMING *****

Phytoremediation, a workshop on making low tech, floating water remediation gardens out of trash. Saturday, September 11, 1-3p. RSVP for exact location in Gowanus, Brooklyn. expeditiongowanus(at)gmail.com

***** LEARNING: ONGOING *****

NOTE: The Ongoing section of LEARNING runs only on the first Friday of each month.

BODY

• Free Yoga at BHQFU. Manhattan. Sundays 7:15-8:45p. bhqfu.org/wiki/doku.php?id=start#courses
• Free Tai Chi at Battery Park. Manhattan. Fridays through October (except September 3 and October 8), 8:30-9:30a. At the Esplanade Plaza (at the very end of Liberty Street on the Hudson River).
• Free Volleyball at Battery Park. Manhattan. Wednesdays through September, 6-7:30p. At the Esplanade Plaza.
• Free Ping Pong at Bryant Park. Manhattan. Daily through October, 11a–7p. At the 42nd Street Allée. Paddles and balls provided.
• Free Tai Chi at Bryant Park. Manhattan. Tuesdays and Thursdays through September, 7:30–8:30a. On the Fountain Terrace. Rain or shine.
• Free Yoga in the Park with Laughing Lotus, at 14th Street Park. Manhattan. Wednesdays through September 29, 7-8p. $free. laughinglotus.com
• Free Hoop Dance, outside of Macy’s at Broadway above 34th Street. Manhattan. Mondays 6-7p all summer. $free.
• Free African dance at St. Martin’s Episcopal Church. Harlem. Thursdays through the summer, 7:30-9p. $free. 212-289-2057
• Pay-what-you-wish Yoga at McCarren Park, Brooklyn. Saturdays 3p all summer, weather permitting. hoshyoga.org
• Tao Yoga and Tsa Lung (The Shamanic Yoga of Zhang Zhung) led by Lama Ji at Surreal Estate. Brooklyn. Tao Yoga Saturdays at 10a; Tsa Lung Tuesdays at 5:30p. $donation. surrealestatenyc(at)gmail.com
• Bujinkan Budo Taijutsu at Triskelion Arts. Brooklyn. Training is centered on jissen gata combat fighting. Membership is selective, but you may attend the first class free. Saturdays 5-7p, Sundays 2–4p. triskelionarts.org/events.htm#classesoffered
• Afro-Haitian dance with Julio Jean at Ripley-Grier Studios. Manhattan. Saturdays 6-7:30p. $10. jeanjulio(at)gmail.com
• Haitian, African, Afro-Caribbean, Samba dance and much more at the new Djoniba Dance and Drum Center. Manhattan. Daily, various times. $17. djoniba.com
• Flirting with Burlesque at the School of Burlesque. Manhattan. Thursdays 7-8p. $15. schoolofburlesque.com
• Tribal Fusion bellydance class with Fayzah at Battery Dance Studios. Manhattan. Tuesdays 5:30-7p. $20. dancespiral.com or fayzahfire(at)gmail.com
• Contemporary dance, hip-hop, belly dance, and much more at Bedford Stuyvesant Restoration Corporation. Brooklyn. Various days and times. $10+. 718-636-696
• Congolese dance with Funmilayo at Resurgent Fitness, Brooklyn, Wednesdays 6:30-8p; at Boy's Harbor Conservatory, Manhattan, Thursdays 7:30-9p; and at Alvin Ailey Extension, Manhattan, Sundays 4:30-6p. $varies. fushadance(at)aol.com or krosebud14(at)hotmail.com
• Open company class with Perceptions Contemporary Dance Company, intermediate/advanced. Brooklyn. Thursdays 5-6:15p. $12. RSVP at perceptionsdance.com.
• Balkan folk dance at the Hungarian House. Manhattan. Wednesdays 6:30-8p; $12. nycfolkdance.org
• Introduction to House Dance with Linda La Naija at Black River Dance. Harlem. Fridays 6-7:30p; $14. blackriverdance.com
• The Art of the Samurai Sword with Raab Rashi at The Workman’s Circle/NYR Studios. Manhattan. Thursdays 6-7p; $free intro lesson, $15 beyond. swordclass.blogspot.com
• Capoeira, a Brazilian martial art and dance, with Capoeira Angola Quintal. Manhattan. Various days; $15. afrobrazilarts.org/newyorkcapoeira/index.htm
• Parkour workshops. Manhattan. Sundays 4p; $15+. nyparkour.com
• Aerial classes (silks, trapeze, lyra, pole dance, ballet) at the Sky Box at House of Yes. Brooklyn. Monday through Saturday; $15. theskybox.org/classes
• Aerial yoga. Manhattan and Williamsburg. Various days; $20. aerialyoga.com
• Group tightwire walking, foot-juggling, and more at Trapeze Loft. Williamsburg. Sundays 5-6p; $25. thetrapezeloft.com
• Trampoline at Streb Lab for Action Mechanics. Brooklyn. Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays 7-8:30p; $25. streb.org/V2/school/adults.html
• Co-ed nonsexual naked yoga. Manhattan. Various days; $?. groups.yahoo.com/group/coyoga/
• Aerial Trapeze, Silks, and Lyra with Harvest Moon, various locations. Brooklyn. Times vary. aerialmoves.com
• HoopSkool. Manhattan. Various days, times. thefunnestbootcamp(at)gmail.com

BRAIN

• Free Patching Circle at NYC Resistor. Brooklyn. Every third Sunday of the month; noon-6pm. nycresistor.com. puredata.info/community/NYCPatchingCircle
• Free Hacker Helpline from Eric Singer of LEMUR (lemurbots.org) to answer your questions about projects, electronics, software, robotics, physical computing, Max/MSP, etc. For help, open Skype, add contact "hackerhelpline," and go to the Mood section to see dates and hours. e(at)ericsinger.com
• Free open craft/hack nights at NYC Resistor. Brooklyn. Thursdays 6-9p; $free. nycresistor.com/2008/11/22/open-craft-hack-nights-on-thursdays/
• Free math studies at the School of Mathematics, which cultivates a natural, stress-free environment where everyone can explore, study, and discover mathematics. Prior knowledge is not assumed. Brooklyn. Various days; $free. thewe.net/math
• Writing with constraints at the Writhings Society. Practice writing with arbitrary, sometimes mathematical, rules invented by the French group Oulipo and others; no experience necessary. Brooklyn. Wednesdays 6:30-8:30p; $5+. proteusgowanus.com
• Study Hall (a workplace for writers and thinkers) at Proteus Gowanus. Brooklyn. Weekdays, 10a-5p. $50 a month, includes free WiFi, free coffee, discounts on events, and sometimes free home-baked goodies. proteusgowanus.com

HANDS

• Free Bike Shoppe at 3rd Ward. Brooklyn. 718 715 4961. 3rdward.com/calendar
• Assorted artstar classes at the Madagascar Institute! Brooklyn. Various times; great prices. madagascarinstitute.com
• Free Make-A-Bot Mondays at Alpha One Labs. Brooklyn. Mondays 8p; $free. psytek(at)alphaonelabs.com, alphaonelabs.com
• Free casual ladies bike repair workshop at Velo Brooklyn. Bushwick. Saturdays 4-6p; $free. marin.tockman(at)gmail.com
• Free Craft-On (fun with yarn, thread, and more) with Church of Craft. Brooklyn. Sundays at Etsy Labs and various weekdays at SpaceCraft; $free. churchofcraft.org/2008/10/01/welcome-nyc-crafters/
• Free bicycle repair classes at Time's Up! Manhattan and Brooklyn. Various days. $free. times-up.org/index.php?page=bike-co-op
• Free home-improvement classes, from tiling to drywall repair, at Home Depot stores. Saturdays and Sundays; $free. homeimproverclub.com/workshops.aspx?Type=3
• The Fixers Collective is a social experiment in improvisational fixing and mending. Participants bring their broken objects and put them on a large, common fixing table and share ideas and techniques for repairing, mending, enhancing, or repurposing the objects. Brooklyn. Thursdays 7-9:30p; $5. proteusgowanus.com/main/fixers-collective
• Figure drawing at Brooklyn Artists Gym. Mondays 6:30-9:30p and Saturdays 12-3p; $8-plus. brooklynartistsgym.com/events.html#workshops
• Figure Drawing for Illustrators at Triskelion Arts. Williamsburg. Tuesdays 7-10p. $10 model fee.meetup.com/illustrators/
• Guinean Rhythms drum class with Ibrahima Kolipe Camara at Chelsea Studios. Please bring a drum. Manhattan. Fridays, 6:30-7:30p. $15. kolipe81(at)yahoo.com; 646-897-2293
• Beading classes at Brooklyn Bead Box. Various days; $varies. brooklynbeadbox.com/classes.html
• Classes in the needle arts at Brooklyn General Store. Various days; $varies. brooklyngeneral.com/shop/classes/
• Knitting and spinning classes at the Yarn Tree. Various days; $varies. theyarntree.com/studio/classes/
• Mosaic workshops. Manhattan. Wednesdays 1-4p and 6-9p; $100 for four-class workshop. newyorkartworld.com/things/things-mosaic.html
• Wheel and handbuilding classes at La Mano Pottery. Manhattan. Various days; $300 for eight-week class. lamanopottery.com
• Studio Sundays: Intergenerational Programs at Museum of Arts & Design. Manhattan. Sundays 2-4p. $10 (includes admission and materials) 212-956-3535.madmuseum.org
• Females-only African drum class at Oduduwa Cultural Arts Center. Jamaica, Queens. Sundays 11a-noon. $10. balletintlafricans.com
• African drumming with Ibrahima "Kolipe" at Chelsea Studios, 5th Floor. Manhattan. Fridays 6:30. kolipe81(at)yahoo.com

GRAB BAG

• 3rd Ward offers multi- and interdisciplinary courses in visual art, technology, and fabrication. Various days; $varies. 3rdward.com/classes
• Gearilla!, a street theater workshop (on bikes). Various locations. Tuesdays 2p; $10-plus. monicahunken.com/classes.html
• Creative arts classes at Spoke the Hub. Brooklyn. Various days; $varies. spokethehub.org
• First aid for cats and dogs. Manhattan. Saturdays 10-2p; $65 (if purchased online). nyredcross.org/viewclass.php/prmCID/32/month/08/year/2009

XXXXX HELP XXXXX

It is a wonderful thing, to help. Helping strengthens communities and allows you to meet new friends. With that in mind, we look for one-day volunteer opportunities with no long-term commitment required. We want to be open to fresh ideas and think of help in a broad way. These listings could include anything from a large-scale day-long service project to a local theatre company that needs volunteers for load-in; from an artist looking for film extras to a community garden that needs a few extra hands. Our goal is simply to help groups or individuals that serve the greater good in small but significant ways. Unique and interesting job opportunities are acceptable fare for this section as well. Looking for ways to help out? Need volunteers to get your own community project off the ground? Know of any existing opportunities? Send your requests to Meeo Ward at meeo(at)nonsensenyc.com.

*****HELP: FRIDAY*****

NYC Unicycle Festival

The Bindlestiff Family Cirkus is seeking volunteers for the first-ever NYC Unicycle Festival! The NYC UniFest will take place from Friday, September 3 to Sunday, September 5.

No unicycle skills required; we mostly need people to sign in festival attendees, provide info, etc. We are also seeking a few bicyclists to ride along with the unicycle riders on Friday and help with directions/safety/general support.

Friday, September 3, 2–8p: City Hall, Manhattan–Coney Island, Brooklyn Saturday, September 4, noon–5p: Governor's Island Sunday, September 5, 1–5p: Grant's Tomb, Manhattan ellia(at)bindlestiff.org
nycunifest.com.

*****HELP: SOON*****

Chinese Theatre Works (CTW)

We are a Queens-based theatre company dedicated to the mission of preserving and promoting traditional Chinese performing arts, and creating new works that bridge Eastern and Western theatrical aesthetics and forms.

Please e-mail resume and a cover letter. The subject line should read: Volunteer, Fall 2010 chinesetheatreworks.org

*****HELP: SOON*****

The Bushwick Farmer’s Market

Volunteers needed for three different farmer’s markets in Bushwick. The markets will operate until mid-November. Need assistance with set-up and break-down of the markets, which takes approximately two hours. Earn a bag of fruits and vegetables in exchange.

Travis Tench
502 494 0628

*****HELP: OCTOBER*****

Volunteers Needed for the Halloween Parade

Upcoming work weekends for the parade on Halloween Night. This year’s theme will be Memento Mori. Volunteers could land a spot in the Memento Mori Performance in the parade.

Fill out a volunteer form:
nychalloween.wufoo.com/forms/nyc-village-halloween-parade-volunteers-2010/

Rokeby Farm, Rhinebeck, NY
Saturdays: October 2, 9, 26, 23
Halloween-nyc.com

*****HELP: ONGOING*****

Dog Walker

YAI, a non-for-profit agency that works with adults with developmental disabilities, is seeking volunteers interested in dog walking for the elderly or disabled.

daurel39(at)gmail.com

*****HELP: ONGOING*****

Housing Works Store in Hell’s Kitchen

Housing Works Hell’s Kitchen store is in need of volunteers weekday mornings and weekends. Volunteers will get a 25 percent employee discount.

Apply online
housingworks.org/volunteer/sign-up-to-volunteer housingworks.org

XXXXX NONSENSE XXXXX

nonsense nyc is a discriminating resource for independent art, weird events, strange happenings, unique parties, and senseless culture in new york city.

please remember that you are always free to pass nonsense nyc along to anyone who needs to see it, but you do not have permission to use any of the listings for your commercial publication. if you are receiving this list as a forward from someone else you can sign up for yourself at nonsensenyc.com/subscribe.

we accept donations to cover the costs of producing this list, and suggest $5 a year from individual readers or $20 a year if we list your events. to be clear, this is not a traditional subscription, but a donation because you believe that independent artists should support other independent artists. if you've ever paid for a ticket to see your friend's band you know what we mean. you can make donations here: nonsensenyc.com/special/. and thank you.

XXXXX END XXXXX

Over overidentified.